My Mum Laughed at my Wedding Dress, so I Took It Off.
January 4th rolled around, and we woke up with the crack of dawn, at about 8.30am. As planned. With a cup of tea brought by my mother, who always brings us a cup of tea when we stay. It started as a joke when I ordered it, and said our maid brings us one every day. I wasn’t expecting Joy to take it seriously, but she even asks us what time!!
So anyway, we got up, and I took a shower. Sort of. I stood in the bath, and poured jugs of half warm water over my head. I wish I had a photo of it…. This because the boiler blew up on Christmas Eve, and my mother never thought to mention it over the icy cold spell that blanketed the UK with snow this holiday. Anyway, Adam from Adam’s Electric has been in touch, and he will be in there starting repairs on Monday. So hopefully my Mother will have balanced electrical circuits so she can use her washing machine again, and take a shower at leisure.
So… what next? Tash arrived after the second cup of tea, and the bride took her maid to the bedroom to dress. Marc was allowed to come along on condition he behaved in front of his daughter. Dress on, I looked gorgeous, if I do say so myself. The dress was a two piece, with a silver bodice with lots of lift. Pretty trashy, in a Dolly sort of way; and I think Marc liked it. The skirt was an intricate marriage of silver lace over flesh coloured net. I think my mother mistook the flesh coloured net for flesh, though. She saw the skirt and had hysterics. I mean, she was bent double, and scoffed the thought that I might appear in such a garment.
So, I retreated sullenly to my bedroom and changed into my grey jeans. In their defense, they’re very comfortable jeans. Marc stubbornly refused to climb out of his suit though – for which I was quite grateful, since the suit and the dress had both survived two weeks of backpacking and lodging with our nieces; so it was nice that at least half the wardrobe got used.
Off to town, then in Tash’s purple wedding car. Specially cleaned for the occasion, I think. We had to stop at the bank on the way to get cash, which meant driving through Lark Lane rather than the river side. Not to worry, we turned left at the end to get back to the river. Ha. Into the depths of Toxteth, more like. The police have blocked off all the exits from Toxteth to the Dock Road, presumably for the protection of those driving along Dock Road. And being one of those areas, there were those awful double speed bumps the whole way. Which Tash showed us how to take at speed – straight up the middle (so long as there are no cars coming the other way).
Anyway, after a while of high jinks in Toxteth, Tash took Tom Tom out, u-turned and took us straight to the registry office. Well, sort of. It was fine until we got to the flyover and Tom Tom started to take us off to Wallasey. Well, again, we flung a U-turn, and went back the way we came. Then my mother urged us to enter a garage which loomed out of nowhere, which we did. And it was spot on, under the registry office.
So, Starbucks, then a ceremony, back to Starbucks to wait for the extra copies of the marriage certificate, then off to Marina Bar for a pub lunch and a few halves of bitter.
I shouldn’t breeze over the ceremony so lightly. It was good fun. Tia, our hostess (?) for the event was an incredibly bubbly MC; and her sidekick, Lisa was lovely. They both had a great sense of humour, and made the whole day fun. When I started to look confused, she asked why. When I pulled a toothbrush out of my trouser pockets, she solemnly asked if I had anything else to declare. So I pulled out a broken wodden Starbucks stirrer. That was the end of any pretense at pretentiousness for the day!
I’m running out of steam now – but I would like to thank everyone for making the day so special- Tash for driving from Leeds through the glum darkness and rush hour Manchester traffic, to escort us for the day. And for making the day so special by being there.
Thanks also to Sue and Gilly who came as our guests – Sue arranged all the flowers for us, and Gilly drove all the way from Wales to see us. We bought our yacht (the one we’re gonna sail around the world on) from Gilly and her husband Jo.
And finally I’d like to thank Joy, my mother, for making such a perfect day. Thanks to her amazing calmness and simplicity, the day went smoothly, without a glitch. Joy – we love you loads – thank you x x x